forsomeone

The week of Valentine season is upon us. Even though Valentines Day is on Sunday, it starts for me today, for some of my co-workers it started yesterday. Every year, I get weird/touching/scary stories from my customers and I've decided that every night I should sit down at debrief my V-Day.

Today was about a twelve hour shift. I had one of my more fun days at work but the first time I was even able to take a break and look at the clock was at 5:30 pm, an hour before I closed up shop. That's how busy it was.

My boss is experiencing her first actual Valentines Day here. Last year, she worked with us a little bit but she had just had back surgeory and was dopped up all day. Today, she started to nearly have a panic attack. About two hours after we opened i thought she was going to burst into tears. Now most would either panic with her, or try to calm her, but me being me, I actually just burst into laughter. She had no reason to freak out. According to her, we weren't making any money and we were extremely slow. I wanted to tell her that we had actually already made close to five hundred dollars in less than two hours but she was panicing so hard and I was laughing so hard... for the rest of the day I got to poke fun at her and by midday, it made her start to calm down and it loosened up her tension. I'm glad making fun of someone eases tension at my work.

Favorite customer of the day: No one really stood out today.

Favorite moment: The end of the day when I went outside to take out the garbage and it started to mist outside. It felt so good to feel the rain against my skin after working for so long and not even being able to sit down yet.

Weirdest Arrangement: I had to make a wrap with three iris lying flat in the back, and then on top of them, a HUGE blue hydrangea, and then I had to pry apart the Hydrangea blossoms and stick a white rose in the middle as if it were growing from the depths ofthe hydrangea... some people are weird/retarded. :P OH! And then there was the guy that gave me sixty dollars for an arrangment that would only cost 37 dollars. He wanted me to make sure the arrangement was extra special so he gave me a ton of extra money for "premium flowers" and for me to just have "fun" when designing. After delivery, he spent 105.00 on an arrangment that should have only cost him about 45.00 (delivery included) all together.

If I ever write a novel about my time at the flower shop, I've decided to called in THE HYDRANGEA HORRORS!!!! It'll have goth font and everything. Buffy style in fact.

I'm done.

Why is it when everyone else starts falling apart at work, I start doing really well? I'm wondering if it's some sort of universal balance thing. Everyone else does well, I do bad. Everyone else does bad, I do good. I wonder if the world would implode if we all were doing good at the same time. It would be interesting to see.

I can't tell if it's bad tonight that I feel more like the character in my book as opposed to me. Just wish I wasn't so tired and I could put her down on paper. I think I might have a better grasp for her though... oddly enough. Apparently emotionally draining days makes me her?

Opinions? Anyone feel like telling me I'm crazy yet? Wouldn't blame ya. :P

I feel... dissapointed? Yes, yes I do say that with a question mark. LOL. Things are unclear at the moment and while I'm not asking for complete and total clarity on what to do (because let's face it, I'm a masochist and I wouldn't enjoy complete clarity) I would still like some sort of sign or direction. I've been asking for that, too. I feel selfish for asking though, which I know I need to just get past that, but I still feel selfish. However, the things that I'm asking for... they're little and big all at once? Yes, another question mark. Therein lies the problem I think.

My conclusion, as I'm sitting here at work and looking around the place that I both love and hate, is this; I'm done. My heart and my head are done. Yet, life doesn't seem to be done with these aspects of my life quite yet because the opportunity to actually get away is not presenting itself, nor is the opportunity to make something happen. It's like my heart and head grew faster than the world was ready for me too and so I'm stuck here waiting for it to catch up. It's frusterating and I find myself being antisocial because of it. I don't want to be around a lot of people lately simply because...? Yup, another question mark. *head desk.

I've been really happy with writing though. The story that I wrote and edited kept me in a place that I liked and I felt direction and possibilities. Unfortunatley, at the moment, the story is out of my hands while editing is taking place and new stories aren't speaking to me. However, editing is slow going on the other ends of things because these people have lives. It is not their job to help me launch something in my life and therefore I can't expect them to get things done quickly. I think I need to find someone online with no life or something. Or someone that loves to read and edit every night. Maybe that'll be my new goal. That's what life consists of right now . Different mini goals, side quests if you will, while I'm waiting for the stars to align and help the new goals get set into motion. People unfortunatley don't exist in these little goals . I've found in the past month that they not only tend to complicate matters, but put me in a place that I don't want to be, nor should be. I got away from that once, I don't want to do it again. So, for now, people are kept at a minimum or in small doses. That at least does life some good there.

Yes, this is all a ramble. And if you're still reading at this point, you totally get a cyber cookie. :)

This month has probably been more difficult than ones that I've had to deal with in a while, oddly enough. However, I've handled it very well. Walking helps. God, does walking help. I love how people constantly tell me that talking about it will help me process, will help me share. I've found that walking actually keeps me happier and while others in my life may know what's going on when I'm talking, I find that this is not to my benefit. In fact, it just makes me feel worse. So I think I'll stick to the walking instead of talking, and hey! Healthy activity while I"m at it. Always a plus.

I think I'm at my happiest when I have a project, one that I feel passion for and one that I can obsess over. So that shall be my new sidequest in life. Mini projects always help balance everything else out. It keeps social life to a comfortable level, it gives me focus, and is more theraputic than I can describe. Now to find that project. That's going to be interesting.

I'm tired today. Told you this was going to be a ramble. I didn't sleep well again last night and had to get up early for work this morning. Work today has been confusing. I don't have to say that one with a question mark thankfully. :)

I have this overwhelming sense of missing my dad today however. He called and wanted to see me today but I was at work. I don't know... no, I do know, never mind. I want to be with him right now. Want to spend time with him and give him the simple comfort of family that we both lost and rarely get back. He and I both need that now more than ever. We both lead busy lives though and when our schedules correspond to both of us having a day off, it is rare. He's called a lot lately, wanting to go out, and I haven't been able to because friends are over or I'm working. I'm actually really upset by this but there isn't much I can do about that part of my past. I'm hoping to see him maybe Sunday after I get off work. Maybe that will be a compromise. I can safely say that with my social life, my dad is the only one that I don't have to think twice about seeing. I like that. That's something that actually makes me feel good right now. He drives me absolutley crazy when I see him at times but it's still worth it, evne if I come home at night and get teary eyed when I have to leave him. That's not such a bad thing at times. It just means that I love him.

Okay, no more rambles. Hopefully. I'm bored at work and this is appartnely what I thought was best to do.

I hope everyone has had a good day. You get two cyber cookies if you've gotten this far.

So, note to self. Actually, few notes to self.

1. Next time you decide to edit a huge ass story like that in less than a week, hit yourself really hard and go back to bed.

2. If the said hitting does not work, try to extend your deadline when you start rewriting and adding a bunch of scenes.

3. Don't do that ever again.

4. When you work all weekend, and then edit close to about eighty pages, you are bound to be tired. Don't be surprised the next morning when you wake up at 2 in the afternoon with a headache.

Basically, I feel like I have one of those post holiday hangovers I get when I've worked a few 18 hours shifts at the flower shop during Homecoming or Valentines Day. I worked all weekend, stayed up late both Saturday and Sunday night knowing I was working all weekend, and bascically drank a pot of coffee and crashed when I finally finished my second run through at three in the morning. Now it's time to send this story off, not touch it for a few weeks, and start some other projects. I have a feeling that when I get it back from people, there will be more tweaks since I'm not satisfied with certain scenes quite yet. I improved them during this run through, but they're not all together done just yet.

I don't know. We will see. They say that most writers change around their first copy at least three times. I can certainly believe it.

An old friend from the past just keeps popping up lately. It's the oddest thing and while I'm loving our conversations and finding myself actually looking forward to his e-mails... it's still very odd. I don't actually know what to do with it. We hadn't talked before this for well over a year... maybe more? and then suddenly he's back in my life. I didn't approach him, he approached me. Since then, we trade an e-mail a day and talk on facebook some nights. Again, it's not unwanted, but it's... odd. Yeah. That's the only word I can keep coming back to. Odd.

Sometimes, when I see the name Phil come across my facebook, I want to either rip out my hair or beat my head against the wall.

I've been so happy not talking to him lately. I don't think I can even describe how happy I've been not having to deal with the constant flirting and the constant questioning of what he can do to make me like him. I'll say it again, he's a great guy, but he's not for me. Phil does not get that. He is now trying a different tactic. He's e-mailing and posting on his facebook status, quotes from any of Joss Whedon's work. He knows I like Joss, he knows that I love to talk about Joss, and he's, or at least I believe this is what he's doing when he sends me one lined e-mails, trying to engage me in this conversation to prove to me that he knows a lot about Joss too. Only thing is, he doesn't. He thinks he does, but he doesn't. Phil is arrogant and I've had my fill of it... *blink* That line is so awkward but I'm keeping it.

Anyway, I'm not responding. I find the best tactic with him is to blatantly ignore. So I am. He just irritates me more than anyone else I know. I mean, we're talking almost to the same level that Ryan Michaels irritated me. That's bad. It takes a lot for a person to irritate me that badly. I'm thinking about deleting him from my facebook but the problem with that is that I know I do have to see him in the future. This isn't something that will be avoided since we run in the same circle of friends. If I delete him now, it'll just provide for even more awkward later. I'm not sure which option I want to go with. We'll see.

I learned a few things today, randomly.

( Read more... )

Despite my better judgement (alright, I'm terrified to say the least) I am going to put out this plea. I have a story, one that I posted about when I had finished writing it. I just finished my first run through edit of it (or at least I will by tomorrow night if everything goes according to plan). I then want to give it a brief skim just to make sure everything looks alright. Then... well, then I need some opinions. I need some people that are trustworthy enough to read it and not steal it and I'm afraid that I'm limited in knowing those kinds of people. So my question is, do any of you know someone that would be willing to read and wade through the very rough drafts of a 149 page story and give me feedback? Anyone that knows what they are talking about when it comes to writing and can genuinaly tell me what they think constructively? I need opinions and I need them badly.

I spent the morning kind of picking up the pieces of my holidays again and decided to fit them together in a new way. So the plan is this. I shall have 3 Christmas's.

Tonight mom and I are going to watch Christmas movies and try to get the presents wrapped up. It'll be a nice and quiet night at home, where of course I'll be itching to have the next morning come so I can open the up my presents. :) I also think I'm going to make it a goal to try and finish my editing of my novel tonight. It'll make me feel accomplished at the very least and that could be important.

Then, tomorrow morning, I will have my Christmas morning with my mom and actually have a home cooked Christmas meal. For this, I'm very excited. I haven't had my moms Christmas meal on Christmas day for three years. That'll feel good at least. Plus, I'm sure both mom and I will be getting some DVD's that we'll want to put on tomorrow.

Then, when I'm better, I will go out to Dad's and have Christmas with him. This will be my Christmas number 2.

Finally, on New Years Eve, I'll have Christmas with Megan and Tahni. Megan gets back from seeing her family that day so we can just go to my house and exchange gifts there. It'll be like having a week long Christmas.

The only thing that causes me a twinge of regret is that Dad is alone on Christmas. I think when I boil down my hurt, it really does come to that. I always hate to think of people alone on the Holidays, and seeing how my dad loves Christmas so much, it makes me sad to think that he will be sitting on his sofa that day alone. I'm hoping he goes to Terry's or something. Just spend some time with someone so he doesn't get all down on himself, which he will.

Overall, today I am doing better. The whole entire "the world is beautiful and feels good as long as I look for it" thing is coming into play so I'm not a fall down mess anymore. I'm just a little messy. :)

I tried. I really did. I wish there was something more I could have done but there isn't. Christmas this year just isn't going to happen. I'm so tired of trying to get it all together and just when I thought I managed to do so, Dad called and everything just fell apart.

You see, all month, mom and I have been fighting to the point where if we even speak to one another, we say something bad. So we took to not talking. Then, last weekend, when we were supposed to be doing all our Christmas shopping and the likes, she went to California on a plane ticket bought by her new boyfriend. The same boyfriend she kept hidden from me, and the same boyfriend she is dating while still technically married to my father (they've been seperated for two years, but neither have filed for divorce). This same weekend, I feel sick with a really bad cold. A cold that quite literally, almost took my father from me a month prior. Dad got sick with this (he's I'm assuming where I got it from) and nearly died from it. He's lucky to even be it here today.

Well, mom, when she got back from California, came back in the same form that she left and her and I finally just had a blow up. So, here I am, not even a week before Christmas, sick to the point where I can't breath at night, and having a screaming/crying fest with my mother.

The next day, I went to work because I had already taken the past seven days off from being sick. After that, I had to get the rest of my Christmas shopping done. Things were bad in life but it's Christmas. Everything always has been better on Christmas. That was always the one thing I could count on in my family. That's honestly been the only thing that has kept me goign this month too. The thought that everything would be better at least on Christmas. So, even though I was sick, I went out and shopped until the malls closed that night, going overboard this year for both my mom and dad because I wanted to at the very least, get that feeling of family that I've missed so much, that I've actually craved, back. I woke up today, still sick. But I was starting to feel good at least about the holidays. I was looking forward to going out with dad the next day to celebrate and then spending Christmas morning with my mother before getting to go to dads and open presents with him. I even went out and got a few more things for the two of them.

Then Dad called me tonight at around ten. He told me that he couldn't spend either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day with me because he didn't want to catch the cold that I had. I ended up bursting into tears on the phone with him, actually begging him to please just come and see me for at least an hour. He told me no though and that he wasn't budging. So there I sat, just sobbing on the phone with my dad and I still can't figure out why this is all happening. I know that this doesn't seem like a big deal. I get it. This is just another moment where people are going to say that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. But Christmas is about my family and it is the one day out of the year where I feel like I actually have one again. I look forward to this day every year and every year I keep my mouth shut while people bitch and moan about Christmas music, or the holiday itself. I don't say a word when people mock this "Christian Holiday" and how it's acutally pagan. I don't yell when people say that Christmas is overated. I don't try to convince people that buying presents isn't an obligation to me, it makes me happy, that I like giving. And I don't even let people know how much I disagree with them when they tell me that Christmas is just another day and they don't enjoy it all that much. I don't tell them how sad it is or how sometimes that there own fault. All month long I deal with all of this because it doesn't matter in the end. I get to have my holiday. I get one day out of the year where things are good. But by me not being able to see Dad this year... It's not Christmas. I know that Christmas shouldn't revolve around one person but growing up, Dad did EVERYTHING to make sure that my brother and I had the best Christmas possible and I cling to those memories more than anything these past few years and while Christmas isn't as lavish as it once was, seeing my Dad on Christmas is the best part of it usually. I can't even express how hurt I am that I can't see him. I haven't been able to stop crying for over an hour now.

I understand his reasoning. He is scared out of his mind. He's so worried that the next time he gets sick, it'll be the last. Honestly, I'm terrified of it too. I yelled at him tonight to start taking better care of himself. That I wasn't ready to let him go. He said he was and I do believe him... I just want to see him so bad. It's not fair. Why did I have to get sick? I have been trying so hard all this month to make Christmas for myself because I know that no one else around me really likes the holiday. I've done everything to try and make this year good. And then this happens. I hate that I can't see him. Not even for an hour. I hate that I got sick. I hate that my Dad hasn't taken care of himself in the past and now has an immune system this compromised. I hate that I almost lost him and I hate that no matter what I seem to do, I can't make any of this turn around.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I know that I still have my mom on Christmas but it's not the same. I can't believe this is even happening. I have think I've cried more in the past couple weeks than I have in the past couple of years. The last time I remember being in tears every day was when mom and dad announced their divorce. I'm so sick of crying. If I'm not around people, that's all I do. I can't seem to hang on anymore. With everything that's been going on between my mom and I, and then my dad getting so sick, and all the problems with work and school and money, and now Christmas, on top of me being sick myself, and on my period... I just can't do it anymore. I just want to curl up in my bed and sleep until January. Is that an option?

Yesterday was uneventful (I slept pretty much all day so I guess that could be something I was happy for) and because it was uneventful, I'm going to say that today is my Day 5 of happies.

So I got into work this morning and was immediately in a bad mood. The shop was a wreck. The garbage hadn't been taken out, dishes were left in the sink unwashed, and the floor was covered in debris. On the computer was a note saying that a customer was going to come in at some point and bring us things he wanted us to design with. I quickly went and tried to do a quick clean on the shop, fuming the whole time simply because I felt like my own boss felt she was too good to pick things up. You see, when we close for the night, we've always vacuumed and tried to get the place looking neat for the morning crew. Not only is it common courtesy but it also is good for business. You don't want your early morning customers coming in to the shop being a wreck. It just looks bad. Well, for the past month, I have got Friday's off so I could work the weekend shifts. I have come in for the past month on Saturday morning to the shop being a disaster. They don't even try. The counters are cluttered with flowers that haven't been put away (flowers that half the time die over night) and the place stinks of rot because the garbage hasn't been taken out. It irritates me because I always make sure this place is spotless before I leave at night. I don't see why they can't extend the same courtesy.

(I promise, there is happy at the end of this tale)

So, just as I finish cleaning, I find myself still upset, fuming and trying to figure out a way to nicely tell my boss that she needs to at least attempt at night to look like she cares. Especially when she has the help of two of her children here. Just as I was trying to calm down, the door opened behind me and I turn around to a customer. He smiles at me and has a bag in his hand so I figure this is the guy that we're putting some things together for. When he comes up to the counter he looks at me and say's "I'm disappointed that you are not a fairy." It is amazing how quickly I started smiling.

Now, I have never met this man in person before but I have talked to him over the phone for years. His name is Zack and he has been one of our customers since this shop opened over a decade ago. He lives in California and his wife lives here so every week, he sends her some sort of arrangement. Flowers, fruit baskets, chocolate boxes without chocolate in it because she's on a diet... :) None of us have ever met him, not even Bridgette who has been here for years. But, I recognized his voice. It was an instant recognition and I didn't realize how nice it was to finally put a face to the name and voice. Anyway, his wife did come in over Halloween, in which I was dressed up as a fairy. She told him all about it and so he continued to tease me about it for the duration of the time he was here. He stayed for a good twenty minutes, looking around the shop and talking with me. He asked about my life, asked how long I had worked here, what type of hours I enjoyed working, he even asked me how I took my coffee when he noticed I was drinking from a Starbucks cup. He greeted me with a hug and said goodbye with one too, all smiles. And that. That is why I work where I do. I get these customers, and yes, they are few and far between, but they make everything that happens here worth while. They're kind, and they keep coming back, and they actually take an interest in your life, and make you feel like you actually matter to them instead of being a blip on their radar for the day. I like it when people come in and talk as opposed to just handing me over their money without even smiling. It makes me feel like I'm here to help them, not to serve them. Seeing Zack this morning did me a lot of good and while I probably will never see him again (let's face it, it took the man ten years to come here as it was) I can actually say that I got to meet him once and when he calls, it'll make things all the better. So that is what makes me happy today and it is only 10:30 in the morning. :)

~Today I got to go out to Mexican food with my dad where he allowed me to geek out about Joss Whedon the whole meal. So not only did I get good food and get to discuss my passions, but I also go to spend quality time with my father after a stressful day at work. :)

~Started watching the online show "The Guild". It's the kind of funny that you don't know if you're laughing out of humor or nervouse laughter. Love it!!!! Plus, Felicia Day cracks me up sometimes.

~Also "Do you Want to Date My Avatar" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urNyg1ftMIU. Enough said.

So, I must admit that this is a hard time for me to have a happyness meme going. There are some things that are going on in my life right now (that I don't wish to discuss) that is a little hard for me to handle. I have faith that eventually things will be okay, and if they're not, that would be my fault, but as for the moment, trying to figure out what to do with the information I have recieved and how to act towards certain people, and how much to smother others, is making life difficult. In the past few days there have been plenty of tears and quite a bit of yelling. Still, I do believe that everyday there is something to be thankful for. I make it a habit to thank God for at least three things in my life every night and this meme is no different. Yes, life sometimes sucks but there is always a silver lining in my mind. You may have to look for it, but it's still there. It only leaves if you allow it to. So, here is my happyness for both yesterday (I forgot to post until late last night) and today.

Yesterday
~ Denny's. No matter what happens, that restraunt always is a good place to go. Diner coffee is horrible, but soothing all at once, and the fact that the waitress there knows Megan and I's order is just amazing. This makes me happy.
~Playing Dragon Age with Megan and drinking Starbucks coffee also makes the day good.

Today
~Megan supported me today in a future idea. It was unprompted and she spoke with such passion that it brought me to tears. She had faith over future ventures of mine and told me that people don't give me enough credit for my strength. This meant more to me than anything anyone has said to me in a long time. So today I am very thankful for that.
~I'm also thankful that in Dragon Age, the euphemism they used for sex was licking a pole. :)
~Also, falling in love with CGI characters... priceless. LOL

Today, I am happy for helping Megan buy Dragon Age: Orgins so I can play it too. :P

A bunch of people on my friends list is doing this eight days of happiness and since I a lot of times think that we all tend to forget about the good things in life during the day, I thought I would join in and start spreading my own happy moments as well. Today seemed like a good day to do it.

8 Days of Happyness:

1. Post about something that made you happy today - even if it's just a small thing.
2. Do this every day, for eight days, without fail.

I know I'm supposed to tag people but I hate to tag so I'm ommiting that one.

~Mom told me that if I ever wanted to go into business myself, she would co-sign a loan for me.
~ I made an arrangement today at work that had balloons mixed in with the flowers
~ I went to Best Buy to go buy the first season of Castle and ended up with the same check out guy that I got a month ago while buying Dollhouse. I was really tired the last time I saw him and ended up giggling uncontrolably while Tahni mock stabbed me in the back. He was amused that night, and told me that we had just made his day. Tonight when I went there, he recognized me, and asked if I had been sleeping better. I said yes and I apologized for the way I acted last time. He said "Don't worry about, your smile and laugh more than make up for it now." Yeah. He got some points. Geek.

I'm really not enjoying this feeling. For the past month, I have not been okay emotionally and while I know I should talk about what the problem is, I just can't. It's a touchy subject matter for me and the fact of the matter is, when a situation or person is really getting to me, I won't talk about it. Not because I'm ignoring it, but because it hurts too much to speak. This current issue though, seems to be tearing at me a little more than others but there is not a reasonable solution to it all. I've even tried to speak my mind about it a few times, testing the waters about the issue so to speak, and both friends and family have shrugged it off. No, I'm not blaming them for shrugging it off. We all do it from time to time, either we don't realize how big of an issue it really is, or are thinking about others things. It's not something I'm blaming anyone for. I'm just stating that if it's that hard to talk about it when they're only half way listening, I can't even imagine how hard it would be to talk about it when I have their attention.

All I know is that I'm not okay. I'm ending my nights with bouncing back and forth from crying to all out anger and I'm waking up in the same way. During the day, I'm fine for the most part, depending on the day, really, but this sickening feeling that I have the rest of the time isn't really going away, no matter how rational I try to act, or how mature/understanding I try to be. So does that mean I should act irrational? Maybe then everyone would be forced to confront it, although I highly doubt that. I went semi irrational the other day and it was never even spoken of.

I wish I could move away for a while. People need to sort things out without me here and my interfearance, my very presence, isn't helping the process what so ever. But there are people I can't leave, one of which needs me here, whether they will admit it or not, and there is also my entire life that needs to be taken into account. I can't let one situation, no matter how huge, take over my life. Why does it feel like it is though? I hate having to bite my tongue to keep from screaming and latley I've noticed that I just go quiter and quiter, which is not healthy in my opinion. There isn't anything I can possible say though. And I know that people will tell me to speak, to talk it out, that I'll feel better after talking, that I'll work out my demons or something like that. And I want to tell them no, that's not how I work, but there is a set of preconcieved notions there that I can't possibly beat so instead I'll have to just deny that and come off looking like a stubborn child that doesn't know what's best. I'm not okay with inacurate viewpoints of me but everyone seems to have them as of late so I guess that's just something I should get used to. The only opinion of myself that I should hold truly dear is my own as it is.

There is one person that I think I might be able to talk to. I'm so far out of contact with them however that I don't think that it would be taken in the right context. I'm afraid of what might arise from the contact as well. A long time ago, when talking about a subject similiar to my problem though, they offered me the best support I had ever recieved and all it took was one sentence. I wish I could have that again. Part of me wishes the Universe would just throw that one in my face. It's been close to a year since there's been any visual contact and it's been longer than that since there's been a conversation that counted.

I'm just really sick of crying though. Or crying without the tears I should say. I'm not doing the actual crying too much. Someone would catch me if I did. Plus, it's not really helpful when I still have a life that is spent inside the public eye for most of the day.

Sorry this is my first update in what seems like forever. I just had to spleed tonight.

It is 5:42 in the morning on September 4th, 2009. I decided a few days ago that I must finish this story before I turn 21, and this morning, with the help of lots of coffee and a weird determination that came from I don't even know where, I finished.

It's kind of surreal to be honest. I started the concept of this story when I was in the 5th grade. To see it actually completed is amazing. I don't think I actually believe it yet. I kind of keep thinking that it's not over. Maybe I'm just exausted after having pulled an all nighter with a pot of coffee by my side, but it does not feel real.

I still have mass editing to do. I know this. But the initial concept is done. I have finished it before I turned 21 and I did it was three days to spare.

I'm feeling pretty good right now. I think it's time for me to lounge back in my bed and relax and wait for my mom to get up so I can tell her how awesome I truly am. :)

First off.... I'M GOING TO BE 21 ON MONDAY!!!

Secondly.... I'M GOING TO GO SEE DAVID COOK ON SATURDAY!!!

As for what I've been up to latley? I started a story about a month ago. It's one that I've been wanting to write since I was a little kid, but never really did. Well, last month, I got it into my head that this was the time to do it, and that I would finish it before school started. Then, about a week ago, I decided that I needed to finish it before I turned 21 so I could say I got my first novel written while I was still twenty. Three days ago I realized that I turn 21 very very very soon. LOL. So, it has been a mad dash lately because while I, at the time, had seven days, I also had a wedding to attend, work, and a concert before this. I really only had five days to be able to finish this story. I have knocked so much of it out of the way though, that I think that if I fix a strong pot of coffee tonight, it'll be done with. :) You have no idea how proud of myself I am for this. Now to just hope it's good.

Other than that, there isn't too much to share. I quit my job, got rehired. I may not go to school in the fall due to money issues and therefore be picking up a second job myself and I am avoiding a certain boy like the plague at times simply becuase I don't know what to do around him.

I hope everyone else is well.
Lots of love,
Dana