When I first was trying to put into words this entry for you guys, I was going to seek out advice. But, I’ve come to the decision that this is something that I need to do on my own, and outside influence isn’t going to help. So, I’m here to just tell you what I’m doing.

I’m dropping acting class. This decision was hard because I love the professor and I’ve always loved acting, but I’m not feeling as if this is where I am meant to be. The class was good. For classes, it wasn’t that bad at all and I enjoyed it. The thing is though, my self confidence has taken a major hit in the last year. I’m not comfortable with myself and therefore I don’t want to take the risks that are required of me. So, I’ve decided I’m going to drop the class and fix my confidence because that is more important that four credits.

Now, faced with the other decisions I’ve made lately, this isn’t that big of one. I mean, deciding not to go back to the University in the fall and go to England instead (I will fill you all in on that later. Don’t worry) is kind of a bigger deal then dropping a class. But, dropping this class is kind of symbolic for me because it’s the first step into taking control of my life and my emotions. I’ve decided that on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s (the days acting class usually is) I’m going to go to the gym instead. I’m going to start working out regularly in an actual facility instead of sporadically doing it at home. This will help boost self esteem and confidence and I know for a fact that when I’m feeling good about myself, I feel as if I can take on anything. So, during the time I would usually go to acting class, I’m going to instead go to the gym and when I come home, I’m going to write. I’m going to treat those days as if they were school days still and make them into something productive.

I don’t know if I will pick acting back up. I finally confessed my inner battle with this subject to Tahni tonight which is part of the reason why I’ve come to this decision. I figure though, that a lot of the reason why I’m feeling so down on acting is because I’m not feeling good about me anymore. I feel as if I’m trying to be the person that I once was. Old me would have loved nothing better then to spend twenty four hours on stage. I’m not sure if I’m that girl anymore and I owe it to myself to explore other options and find out.

So, that’s what I’m going to do. I’m picking up the pieces finally and while I know that I will groan and complain about going to a gym where icky men most likely are going to check me out (seriously, why is it only old guys hit on me?), I still feel as if this is the right move for now. I’m just scared. I’ve made a lot of decision lately that could change my life into something completely different and no matter how much I say I want that, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t terrify me. But it is something I have to do in order to move on in my life