So may I just say that Areosmith sound amazing right now? I've always listened to them (how could I not with my brother in the house?) and as I'm listening to one of their best hit CD's I have to smile. Memories of sitting in Chris's room, listening to these songs on cassette while he played video games and I hugged my stuffed animals (yes, that was how young I was) keep popping up even some of the saddest songs are making me smile.

I've avoided music for a good while now. I'd say for the past year I've ignored the bands and songs I knew would affect me. That's probably why I started leaning more towards modern day music this year. For me, music is the only thing that can make me face my fears. My friends and sit and tell me something until their blue in the face and I either won't get it, or I'll deny it, until a certain song comes on that connects with that moment. Hence the reason I stopped listening to "Hey Jude" or "All You Need Is Love" or "Blackbird", "Freebird" "Vienna" and so on. They were going to make me face some things I didn't want to. Nor was I ready to do it yet. Slowly however, I have integrated music back into my life and I'm rediscovering my passion for it. For the first time in over a year, I recognize who I am. Even the songs that bring back my demons are making me smile. Something has changed, a life is good again.

Yes, I acknowledge the fact that right this moment I could be running on a high from seeing cute Delivery Boy, but that's beside the point. LOL. I was like this last night too so I don't think it has to do entirely with him.

Anyway, I had "Janie's Got a Gun" on when he came into the shop this morning and he just smiled and started singing under his breath. We talked a little bit about Areosmith and Hendrix. It's different at work with him here. Him and I get along pretty well. It's not that uncomfortableness that you would usually feel with someone that you only see a total of thirty minutes a day. We've connected on a few things, but most of all, I like how he can get me to smile. He always has a new story to tell me that can get me ready for the day and on top of that, he turns back and looks at me several times before he leaves the shop. It gives me confidence for the day, confidence that I need sometimes, and overall, makes work better. The fact that he has good taste in music and shares my desire to go to England is a bonus.

No, he doesn't like me so don't get those idea's into your head. We're becoming friends though and that's good enough for me at the moment.

With this happiness unfortunately comes one problem. There is an issue that I am dealing with and quite frankly, I've dealt with it for a long time. It's not something I can change, nor do I even want to put the energy into trying because quite frankly, that would just be stupid. LOL. But it is an issue and I have to say that it is the one that nags at me the most these days. However, I need to gain a sense of confidence and security. Maybe then it'll go awya. I have a feeling though that this will always be one that lingers in the back of my mind. I keep telling myself however that it is not a problem. It's only a problem if you make it a problem. So yes, this issue, and I'm not telling you what it is, it's just an... issue, is bugging me, even while I do my normal thing to help me deal with my problems. Hopefully though, it will heal itself over time.

Alright, I really should attempt to work, or at least attempt to look like I'm working. :)