Why did it totally slip my mind that I have an exam on Thursday that's 30% of my grade? I haven't started studying and I'm working full time this week. Guess what I'll be doing tonight when I get home from work, and tomorrow night as well. Crap.


Okay, in the grand scheme of things? Not too bad I suppose. I'm used to it. I can do it (yes, yes I am giving myself a pep talk). I just need to keep focused. I'll get home at about seven, I'll go to the gym and then get all showered and fed for the night and be able to start my studying at about eight. I figure if I studying until midnight, I can then take an hour off to relax a little so I can get my body wound down enough to sleep, and then I'll get up the next morning, go to work, and repeat the same thing. It'll all be over by Thursday and then I'll get to celebrate moms birthday with her and go see Jacob on Friday night for a few minutes after his play. It'll be fine. And the silver lining? This week is going to go by so fast for me meaning I'll be that much closer to May ending and June beginning.

So, while I absolutley love my classes this term (poetry and comparative lit), I also find myself extremely bored. I'm not sure why either. I mean, they are good classes. I find the subjects interesting and I do really well in both classes. However, I just... Maybe I'm not inspired by them? I don't know. I don't have a lot of crazy chaos in my life this term and I think that is throwing me to be honest. LOL. I mean, last term, I was barely sleeping between school and work. School was too hard, and I was working too much. Now, I'm barely working, and while I'm taking the same amount of classes, its almost like school is too easy.

I think some of this also stems from I have no idea why I'm in school. Yes, to learn things. I understand that. But, I just keep having this sinking feeling that what I finally do fall into when I'm older, is not going to utilize anything that I learned in college. So, in my mind, I feel as if my family is wasting a lot of money to send me here and I kind of feel a little guilty for it.

I need to find a sense of balance between chaos and boredom. I need to do more than I'm doing now, but not so much that I'm about to collapse or make myself sick. Five more weeks and this term will end and hopefully, my next classes, will inspire me a little bit more.

On the upside to all this though, the boredom has forced me to have more of a social life. LOL. I actually want to see people as opposed to feeling obligated to see them. That's good. I just wish I could balance that one out too.

My teacher is giving me an extension until Monday for my papers. He said that he just needs proof that I am telling the truth so I told him that I would attach a copy of my Uncle obituary to my essays. *sigh* I might be able to pass this class after all. *does semi happy/hopeful dance*

I don't know why I'm so shocked that I had two essays due last friday and that I failed to remember to do them/turn them in. My Uncle died, my family flew in out of nowhere, it was a holiday weekend... there was a lot going on. So why am I so shocked that I didn't turn these essays in? Maybe because it was written down in front of my face and I just chose to ingore it? I don't know.

Anyway, there is 12.5 percent of my grade that I can't afford to lose, gone. I'm kind of just... sad I guess. Because that means that all that extra work that I had put into this class just to pass it is now out the window because in light of my Uncle dying, my life kind of got thrown off balance and put on hold. And I hate how that's my excuse too. It feels so petty to be using someones death as a reason for why you didn't do your homework.

*sigh* I think I should just not take days off work anymore. For some reason, every time I do, something bad happens. I don't get it. It's like a punishment or something. I just want to get back to my regular routine.

The bright side of all this? Well, I have two essays that I don't have to stress over doing. *shrug*

A few things:

A) I have lots and lots to do today and no motivation to do it. However, I must study for economics, finish making my flashcards, write my paper (which I still don't know what its going to be about) and finish my presentation for Writing class. I so don't even want to start but I know if I don't do it while I'm at work, I'll have no time for it tonight. Grrr...

B)Still irritated about the Friday thing. I must be about to get my period because I'm getting irritated at little things today and I can't seem to even shake them slightly.

C) I feel pregnant. Another sign of my period since I've been drinking obscene amounts of water and exercising religiously every day. There's no way I can gain weight when I'm actually working out. That would just be to twisted even for my world.

D)Excited and not excited about Twilight coming out.

E) The show that I can never remember it's name but it's on after House has Cute Guy in it and so I'm loving my new sense of eye candy.

F) I just felt like there needs to be an option F. There's no point to this one.

Two things....


I PASSED MY POLITICS MIDTERM!!! WOOT!

and...

I WAS OFFICIALLY OFFERED A RAISE TODAY!!!! WOOT X 2!!!

Here is this week. I need to get it done by Friday morning since my Comparative Politics midterm is at twelve o'clock that day.

STUDY FOR MIDTERM I am begging everyone to please send me your good vibes on this one. I don't know how I'm supposed to study for this midterm since the teacher is telling us we need to memorize the seven chapters for this test. How I'm supposed to memorize close to three hundred pages, I don't know. So, any help I can get from you guys would be greatly appreciated.

Go through my U of O e-mail
Chapter 8 of ecomomics
Chapter 9 of economics
Decide on Writing topic
Post writing formula
WR 123: Chapters 4 and 5
Focus Group Reading
Economics Chapter Ten
Wr 123: Chapters 12 and 13
Focus Group Reading 2
Take Comparative Politics Test
Economics Assignment 3

Since this week is going to be busy (I'm at work a lot more this week because Bridgette has to work at the other Flower Market for two days) I'm going to be ignoring everything in order to focus. I need to pass this midterm or else there's a good chance I will not pass the class. So, I'll answer e-mail's if its really important but other than that, I'm going to need to make myself scarce. I love you all, and I'm going to be fine. I just need to keep on top of everything this week. I'll try and post later in the week to let you guys know how I'm doing.

All before Friday morning or else I'm not going out on Halloween. I will get this done. I work a full day today and it's doomed to be slow so I'll get a good amount of it done today. Then, after school tomorrow, I'll just hit the books really hard before work and hopefully, it'll be doomed to be slow all day tomorrow. Neither days is Jill or Bridgette coming in either so I won't have them to distract me or make me nervous. I can do this. I can do this.

Economics Chapter 8
Chapter Four Test
Chapter Five of Comparative Politics
Chapter Five Test
Wr. 123 Reading
Cash Paycheck
Chapter Six of Comparative Politics
Chapter six Test
Get Planner
Schedule Midterm day

I feel like I got a lot done today but at the same time, more things are now added. Also, I've been studying for my economics test for four hours and I'm failing the example quizes. I'm worried for tomorrows test. I just don't get it. Why can I not get my head on straight for school? I mean, I've never really wanted to go to school but I've always maintained good grades. Now I'm just kind of failing at everything except writing. I guess I need to just concentrate more on what I need to get done with school and around the house. I'm falling behind on too many things. Most likley, I'll be posting a weekly list of things that need to be accomplished. I'm getting really forgetful. So, new list, these things need to be done before Friday.


Chapter Four of Comparitive Politics
Catch up on College Drabbles
Draft two short stories
Program palm pilot
Schedule Lisa's appointment
Pay Credit Card Bill (Don't get me started about how pissed I am at that. Annual fee my ass)
Complete Wr. 123 asignment
Start Chapter Five of Comparative Politics
Look over New Story Draft from J-9

I thought that I might struggle today since I only had five hours of sleep and had to go to school and pull almost a double at work. But today was actually pretty good.

Class let out early because everyone was productive and apparently my thesis was well done. Then, at work, Bridgette and I teamed up on corsage,making for the Thurston Homecoming. Now, this is usually a task that drains you (I have no idea why) but today, it was manageable due to the fact that Bridgette and I starting plotting a Seniors trash novel. Yes, the cover will have an old version of Fabio... in a wheelchair and toothless. It will be legendary. :)

Then, Lisa showed up at work to drop off my Maid of Honor dress. I went to the bathroom to try it on to show everyone and Bridgette said that I was going to show up the Bride at this wedding if I wasn't careful. :) Very happy about that.

To top it off, I got a B on my third Comparative Politics test so my grade average is now a C! Yay!

It just felt good to laugh all day while still being productive. Days like that at work are hard to come by latley.

So explain this one to me, because I'm certainly not understanding.

I didn't go to school or work today. A: because I didn't feel good and B: because I didn't feel like it. Mature. I know.

I was all set up to have a good day, deciding to get up early and accomplish homework that I didn't want to do and to read more of the amazing book I'm reading and to dwell in the world of SIMS for a while because I'm obviously an addict.

When I woke up, I had horrible stomach cramps (I'm assuming its just part of me being sick) and ended up spending an hour trying to get rid of them. I thought it would be okay though after they were gone. So, I started playing SIMS, then I read a little (okay, a lot. 100 pages of good quality reading which I have not done in a while) and then I picked up my text book at around two to start my homework. From here on out, it was fail.
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I’m trying to put things into perspective tonight but let’s just put it bluntly. This week has been one of the shittiest weeks I’ve had in a long time for no apparent reason. It’s just one of those weeks that goes wrong, and it’s no ones fault. Call it mercury in retrograde, call it bad karma, or just coincidence. I don’t know. All I know is that the amount of fail that has occurred this week is almost laughable at this point.

Granted, most of it isn’t something all that upsetting. It’s the accumulation of shit that makes me want to just cry at the end of the day. I’m really surprised I haven’t cried, actually. I think that I’ve taken this week pretty well. I’ve laughed at most of it because I can’t believe that one week can consist of so much fail.

Let’s look back, shall we?
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I just spent the past two hours reading the first chapter of my economics book for some homework. Then, I went to take the twenty question sample quiz, and I failed it.

I hate economics.

So today was the first official day back to school. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be (after yesterday, today had to be better) but it did raise some... not concerns or worries necessarily but just some realities that I'm disappointed in having to accept.

So I only take one class on campus and then my other ones on line. I figured this would be a good compromise between my mom and I. I would still be going to school, but I'm not technically attending it. Also, with me having odd work schedules, I am able to balance my life better. Or so I thought.

I think it's going to be a bit of trial and error to be honest. I had to sign up for another on line class today because mom was pushing it. I'm so sick of arguing with her that I just decided to avoid it all together and get an economics class out of the way. I need to take it anyway so I might as well do it now. Also, it has a chapter on foreign economics, like England, and that could be helpful.

However, as I'm looking at the sylabus for the online courses, I can't help but feel a twinge of panic. Since they're online, there is a lot more expected out of them, plus, they are five hundred level classes (it was all that was offered). Now, I know that I can do them, I'm not saying that they're going to be over my head. I'm just worried about how time consuming it will be. Yes, I won't have to go to campus, but my spare time will have to be spent doing these classes.

My original plan was to do them at work. I arrive at the shop at eight, but don't actually start work until twelve. So, I thought I would be able to get my homework done then. But, I attempted that for a few hours this morning and it didn't work too well. I get distracted easily here because usually, I end up answering phones in the morning. My solution was going to be to stay at home and then take the bus down here but that would only give me an hour in the morning to work and that's really not enough.

So, the reality that I'm going to have to face is that most likely, my evenings will be spent doing homework. Meaning, from seven to ten, I'll be studying. It's not a horrible situation I suppose, I mean, I did it in High School, but... I don't know. It just seems so sad that my schedule is get up, go to school, go to work, come home and run (that is a whole other post. Turns out I might have some medical problems) and then do homework before going to bed. Five days a week, that's what I'll have to do. It's not horrible, I know this. I know it could be worse. It just makes me a little sad I guess. I kind of liked having the evenings to myself or to spend with my friends. Now, I don't know if I'll be able to see my friends during the week to play video games or just to talk. If I do, I might have to ignore them and do my homework, or stay up really late to finish it when they go home.

I'm hoping that after a few weeks, I'll be able to get into a routine and it won't be so bad. I'm going to try and figure something out.

Hope everyone else is doing good today and I hope both Megan and Tahni are surviving their classes as well. Love to all.

Dana

Today was supposed to be my day off. It was also supposed to be the last day I had not to deal with school.

That failed however.

I got up today at about ten thirty and put on my new found obsession, Desperate Housewives. It felt good to sit on my sofa, a blanket on my lap, a good cup of coffee in my hands, and my cat Marble (who surprisingly was purring) sitting on my lap. Then Bridgette called. I knew I shouldn't have picked up the phone, but I did.

Basically, I got called into work. Why? Because Jill felt that she wouldn't get anything that she needed to get done in our advertising, done, if she came into work. So therefore, on my fucking day off, I had to come in to work.

So, I got here and got even more pissed because by the looks of it, the day is promising to be slow. So really, I'm here, not even working. Just trying to pass time until I can go home. Well, I decide that I'm going to get on my computer and maybe start my homework for my online class and get a headstart on it. Turns out though, I for some reason, can't access my account. So, I could be misssing something important, but I don't know because U of O won't let me sign into my account. Then, when I called them, they told me that I would need to come down to campus to fix it. That's great and everything, only problem is, I can't get to campus until tomorrow. So, already I'm missing class through my online course. Yay!

So, that was another irritation.

Then, I had a huge scare. Bridgette left work to go pick up her kids from school at two thirty. At three ten, her daughter Stashia called, wondering where Bridgette was. She had tried calling her and her dad and couldn't get a hold of either. I then tried her, and couldn't get a hold of her either. So, both Stashia and I were freaking out but I was trying to stay calm. Stashia is only twelve and she was stranded at the school, thinking her worst. So, it was my job to keep her calm while trying to think what the hell I was going to do. Bridgette finally showed up a half hour later (I still don't know why she was so late and not picking up her phone) and I breathed a sigh of relief. All I kept thinking was that she got into a car accident or some sort. It scared me so much. Bridgette is that person in my life that I am just connected with. I can't imagine her not being here and that was exactly what I was worried about when she wasn't answering her phone.

Then! To top it all off, I have a headache. *sigh* My last day of summer vacation so did not live up to what it should have been. I want to just cry. I already have a little. I jut want to go home, turn on the TV and not think until I have to start school tomorrow.

I just shouldn't have answered my phone this morning. I was so looking forward to just spending some time with myself today and then I got called into a place that I'm beginning to hate and had to deal with school which is depressing enough. I guess I've learned my leason and thankfully I only have an hour until I get off work.

It's pretty bad when my dad of all people is more understanding of the college situation than mom is. He was always the one that was hard headed and hated to see any other point of view. Now, he just listened and then told me that the only thing he hopes for is that I don't make the same mistake that he did.

I know that my dad right now, is more willing to stand beside me with this whole situation.

I don't know. Mom is really sick right now (I think she stressed/overworked herself and now she has the flu) and so maybe that's where the bitchy attitude is coming from? We'll see.

Anyway, I think I might call into work tomorrow. She's really sick and I don't know if I should leave her. I'll let you guys know what's going on.

The school issue has just been one huge mass of blah! You're for warned, this is long.

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Either today is going to result in me withdrawing from College for a term, or resorting to all online courses. I can't find anything that I even need from U of O and plus I'm not really motivated to attend again. I just have this sickening feeling that if I attend school, I'm not staying true to myself.

Yeah, so don't want to have this conversation with my parents. I hate to even have this conversation with my friends. Everyone always makes me feel like a failure when I say I don't want to attend college. That's it's not worth it to me. Somehow they always twist it around into me being a girl that really has no idea what she wants in life and therefore she is just making rash decisions. Or, they just view me as someone that is fucking up their life. I hate when they do that. It's my life, I should be able to make the decisions I want to make without getting judged for it. Sorry... mini rant.

I've looked at a few online courses through LCC. They offer me classes that U of O doesn't... but, I don't know if they're going to be transferable. So I need to look more into that. Maybe that will be the middle ground for me. I'll still go to school, but I can do it online instead of going to actual classes that are a waste of my time.

I don't know. That doesn't even sound appealing. I just wish I could work and write. I'd be happy if I could do that without people judging me at every corner. They aren't even discrete about it either. They do it to my face.

Alright, decision. I know. I need to make one. I'll let you guys know.

So I'm not really sure what it is but I've noticed these past few months that guys are talking to me a lot more. I mean, I've always had people talk to me but in high school it was different becasue we had all known each other since Kindergarten. Here though, at leat for my first two terms, no guys really talked to me at all. But for some reason this term, I have had a lot of guys, ones I don't even know the name of and have never before even held a conversation with, start talking to me. On one hand, its encouraging, then on the other hand, its confusing. LOL. I don't know what's changed in the past five weeks to make them all so talkative all the sudden. Not that I'm complaining since once of them is cute motercycle boy and we all know how I feel about him. :) Seriously, I could go on for a whole entry about him. I found out today that he does the same thing I do and sighs heavily during a test.. a lot. I think we were irritating people around us because we both sit by each other and every five minutes or so, one of us would sigh really loud. We recieved our fare share of glares in that hour and a half period.

Then, when I was walking out of my class, this guy who was in the class with me and had finnished the test at the same time, walked out with me and talked to me. He followed me to Starbucks, and then when I entered Starbucks to go get lunch, he turned around and started walking the other way. Meaning, he had just walked about six blocks out of his way, just to talk to me. LOL. AGain, not complaining because he was cute, but still, its weird.

Point and case. A guy has just sat down beside me here in the business complex, even though there are plenty of open chairs that aren't near me. I'm a little confused as to what is going on. Its not like I'm wearing some sexy outfit. I'm in jeans and a freaking green wife beater for crying out loud. Not to mention that I look like plane jane compared to all the other girls here. I wear makeup, but I only like to wear mascara and eyeshadow. These girls here wear that though on top of eyeliner, blush and lipstick. I really look plane compared to them. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. I thought that that would detract guys but maybe it doesn't. Well, its repelled any romantic sense I suppose, but I'm not looking for a romantic relationship at the moment so I'm okay with that.

Okay, rant done. I have one more midterm and then I am through. I'll post more tomorrow on how I think I did.

I have learned that the cafeteria food is really kind of awful and that Cute Motercycle Boy is nervous when it comes to public speaking.

Seriously, having a male speciman as good looking as him in class really calms me. LOL. I'm glad he's in this class too because it's the worst class that I have. He manages to distract me from the evilness of it though and make me laugh. Plus, he's hot. :P

Okay, back to studying...