forsomeone

I learned a few things today, randomly.

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Yesterday was uneventful (I slept pretty much all day so I guess that could be something I was happy for) and because it was uneventful, I'm going to say that today is my Day 5 of happies.

So I got into work this morning and was immediately in a bad mood. The shop was a wreck. The garbage hadn't been taken out, dishes were left in the sink unwashed, and the floor was covered in debris. On the computer was a note saying that a customer was going to come in at some point and bring us things he wanted us to design with. I quickly went and tried to do a quick clean on the shop, fuming the whole time simply because I felt like my own boss felt she was too good to pick things up. You see, when we close for the night, we've always vacuumed and tried to get the place looking neat for the morning crew. Not only is it common courtesy but it also is good for business. You don't want your early morning customers coming in to the shop being a wreck. It just looks bad. Well, for the past month, I have got Friday's off so I could work the weekend shifts. I have come in for the past month on Saturday morning to the shop being a disaster. They don't even try. The counters are cluttered with flowers that haven't been put away (flowers that half the time die over night) and the place stinks of rot because the garbage hasn't been taken out. It irritates me because I always make sure this place is spotless before I leave at night. I don't see why they can't extend the same courtesy.

(I promise, there is happy at the end of this tale)

So, just as I finish cleaning, I find myself still upset, fuming and trying to figure out a way to nicely tell my boss that she needs to at least attempt at night to look like she cares. Especially when she has the help of two of her children here. Just as I was trying to calm down, the door opened behind me and I turn around to a customer. He smiles at me and has a bag in his hand so I figure this is the guy that we're putting some things together for. When he comes up to the counter he looks at me and say's "I'm disappointed that you are not a fairy." It is amazing how quickly I started smiling.

Now, I have never met this man in person before but I have talked to him over the phone for years. His name is Zack and he has been one of our customers since this shop opened over a decade ago. He lives in California and his wife lives here so every week, he sends her some sort of arrangement. Flowers, fruit baskets, chocolate boxes without chocolate in it because she's on a diet... :) None of us have ever met him, not even Bridgette who has been here for years. But, I recognized his voice. It was an instant recognition and I didn't realize how nice it was to finally put a face to the name and voice. Anyway, his wife did come in over Halloween, in which I was dressed up as a fairy. She told him all about it and so he continued to tease me about it for the duration of the time he was here. He stayed for a good twenty minutes, looking around the shop and talking with me. He asked about my life, asked how long I had worked here, what type of hours I enjoyed working, he even asked me how I took my coffee when he noticed I was drinking from a Starbucks cup. He greeted me with a hug and said goodbye with one too, all smiles. And that. That is why I work where I do. I get these customers, and yes, they are few and far between, but they make everything that happens here worth while. They're kind, and they keep coming back, and they actually take an interest in your life, and make you feel like you actually matter to them instead of being a blip on their radar for the day. I like it when people come in and talk as opposed to just handing me over their money without even smiling. It makes me feel like I'm here to help them, not to serve them. Seeing Zack this morning did me a lot of good and while I probably will never see him again (let's face it, it took the man ten years to come here as it was) I can actually say that I got to meet him once and when he calls, it'll make things all the better. So that is what makes me happy today and it is only 10:30 in the morning. :)

I don’t really want to talk about it in great detail at the moment. I’m not sure if all this is being blown out of proportion because emotions were high today with everyone, or if I’m just tired. So, I’m not going to really go on a rant. Just more of a few statements of fact.

First off, I loved coming into work this morning because Bridgette and BJ, the two that have stuck with me through thick and thin, were working with me. It was nice, it was fun, and we were getting so much accomplished that it was amazing. I even went in back and started tackling things that Jenn (my boss) hasn’t been able to get too quite yet because of having to deal with so many other things. We thought we were doing excellent. Then, Jenn showed up, and the mood just shifted completely. In the course of four hours, a whole bunch of things came out, some of which I overheard and then confronted everyone about because I didn’t want to sit back and wonder what exactly was said. So, here it is, in list form.
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Why did it totally slip my mind that I have an exam on Thursday that's 30% of my grade? I haven't started studying and I'm working full time this week. Guess what I'll be doing tonight when I get home from work, and tomorrow night as well. Crap.


Okay, in the grand scheme of things? Not too bad I suppose. I'm used to it. I can do it (yes, yes I am giving myself a pep talk). I just need to keep focused. I'll get home at about seven, I'll go to the gym and then get all showered and fed for the night and be able to start my studying at about eight. I figure if I studying until midnight, I can then take an hour off to relax a little so I can get my body wound down enough to sleep, and then I'll get up the next morning, go to work, and repeat the same thing. It'll all be over by Thursday and then I'll get to celebrate moms birthday with her and go see Jacob on Friday night for a few minutes after his play. It'll be fine. And the silver lining? This week is going to go by so fast for me meaning I'll be that much closer to May ending and June beginning.

I feel bad for not updating as much as I have needed to as of late. I know you guys hang on my every word and love hearing every sordid detail of my life so I almost feel as if I’m neglecting you. :P Kidding. Anyway, a lot has happened. To quote Ferris Bueller (yes, I’m totally doing it) “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it.” This quote both has something to do with my journal entry and in part, is just there because it popped in my head and sounded like a fun little introduction to me.

To make this easier on all of us, I’m thinking that categories are needed in order to explain what is going on in some sort of clear and logical matter. They are listed in no matter of importance seeing how I don’t want to talk about most of them but I find that talking about it sometimes is the only way I can see things clearly. Plus, this is my life. It will always be my life, and I want it recorded. So, here it goes, get ready for a long post. Eat popcorn if you must.
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While everyone else is dealing with the effects the bad economy is having on their business, I'm dealing with the effects a retarded boss has had on mine.

I'm going to go down to about fourteen hours a week. Meaning, in two weeks, I'll average about twenty eight hours. This, before taxes is only two hundred and fifty two dollars. So, its about five hundred a month. Before, I was making a thousand a month. Yeah, my pay is cut drastically.

I feel my hands are tied at the moment. Jill needs to get back on her feet, meaning she will need to work more and meaning my hours are now cut. They promise me that my hours will go back up come the busy season of Febuary but they've told me a lot of things in the past and those things either haven't come true, or came true four months later.

Part of me is saying that I need to find another job. The other part of me is saying that I need to sit back and enjoy the time that I now have off and focus on my writing. I'm always saying that everything always happens for a reason and maybe this happened because I need to write. A month and a half of crappy pay is not going to kill me. Also, whose to say that after this month and a half of crappy pay, pay doesn't pick up a hole hell of a lot? I just... I hate that I'm losing over five hundred a month now. This money could have been put towards England. I just want to get out of here so badly and it seems like there are road blocks just being placed in front of me everyday. Now I know I can deal with these roadblocks but at the same time, part of me can't help but wonder if England is the right thing for me because so many things are being placed in front of me.

I need ten thousand to go. At this rate, I will have that money by the end of July if I keep making only five hundred a month and the people that owe me money pay me back. If my hours pick up again, I will have it sooner.

I need to remember though that with England being pushed out, good things have come my way. I'll get to see Janine in June, if Jacob and I become something I'll get to spend more time with him, and even i we don't, I'll still get to spend more Monday's with him. I'll be around to see some of my friends graduate from high school and I'm sure there's more. I need to try and look at this in some positive aspects. At the same time though, I just feel almost like this is personal. I take my work seriously and it is one of the few thins I'm proud of in life. So, to be cast away like this kind of hurts.

I know that five months is both a long and a short time and so that's why I'm trying to stay positive. However, unexpected things have popped up in my life that are making my funds for England begin to dwindle. I was planning on going towards the end of May, but now I may just have to hold out a little longer. No, the economy isn't the reason for me holding out a little longer. The economic decline really hasn't hindered me. What has, however, is school. I've had to miss a lot of work hours because of school and because of it, I've lost a good couple hundred dollars. On top of that, moms been away a lot more, which I'm okay with, but it also means, that there are a lot of extra things I have to buy. Now, my work hours are being cut becasue Bridgette needs the hours and since she has more skill and a hell of a lot more time put into this shop than I do, she gets the hours. In the past two weeks, I haven't even worked twenty hours, which is unheard of for me and I'm afraid that its going to continue on like this and there's nothing I can really do. School is always going to get in the way and as for Bridgette, she has a family to feed. So I'm not really sure what my money situation is going to be like in May. If I had continued with my twenty five to thirty hours a week schedule, this wouldn't have been a problem, but Jill has taken to making the schedules sporadic. I'm not sure what my hours will be like week to week. I feel like I'm back at Gatehouse in that sense.

I'm trying to stay positive because I don't know what's going to happen in the next five months. I don't know if suddenly work will pick back up, or if Bridgette will run into money. I'm kind of hoping for that since she's promised to give me "oodles" of it for being so kind and helpful to her in the past year.

I don't know. We'll see what happens. there's still a lot of time to go. I don't know what's going to happen in five months. I don't know if there's going to be a relationship that will cause me to stick around during the summer. I don't know if there will be a family crisis that will keep me from going, and I don't even know yet if there will be a hold up with my visa that will keep me from going for a few more months. There are a lot of variables up in the air. I know I'm going. I'm just disapointed that its not sooner. The walls seem to be pressing in a little further every day and with every person I see, I feel like screaming. I'm sick of being held back. But, again. Five months is a long time and I'm goign to hpe for the best right now.

A few things:

A) I have lots and lots to do today and no motivation to do it. However, I must study for economics, finish making my flashcards, write my paper (which I still don't know what its going to be about) and finish my presentation for Writing class. I so don't even want to start but I know if I don't do it while I'm at work, I'll have no time for it tonight. Grrr...

B)Still irritated about the Friday thing. I must be about to get my period because I'm getting irritated at little things today and I can't seem to even shake them slightly.

C) I feel pregnant. Another sign of my period since I've been drinking obscene amounts of water and exercising religiously every day. There's no way I can gain weight when I'm actually working out. That would just be to twisted even for my world.

D)Excited and not excited about Twilight coming out.

E) The show that I can never remember it's name but it's on after House has Cute Guy in it and so I'm loving my new sense of eye candy.

F) I just felt like there needs to be an option F. There's no point to this one.

I have a test this Friday on Economics. This is most likely why I've felt crappy all week. Too much work to do and so not enough time. Well, I was supposed to work a full day htis Friday, but obviously, I can't. I wouldn't be down at the shop until one. That was fine though because I would still get in about five hours of work. Now however, I've been pushed out and made to go home after my test. I don't know why, but it irritated me. I like to be in control of my work and I really hate it when other people take my place.

Then, to top it off, it's not even like I'll have the day off. Bridgette is going to pick me up at six so we can go get a cake and whatnot because it's Jill's birthday. I know this is horrible of me but I don't want to celebrate her birthday. I just want to be at home. I want to be able to go, take my test, go to work, and then come home and know that I was productive instead of just waiting around the house for other people to come and get me to take me to do something that I feel obligated to do (the woman got me a cake and presents for my birthday. I can't ignore hers). It's not even like I hate Jill. I hate her actions and I hate her way of thinking, but when she's not being my boss, when she's taken outside of talking about work or how horrible her life is, she's fun. I like her a lot of the times. It's just that her stupid actions and the careless way she treats people overshadows this likability of hers at times.

EDIT!: Never mind. I am working Friday because Jill was dumb and scheduled a wedding consultation, despite the fact that no one was here to do it. Oh! And the best part is that she doesn't even have the brides name or number for us to call her and reschedule so I will be fumbling through this consultation. Joy.

Yes. I can't be please today. I'm aware of this. :)

Two things....


I PASSED MY POLITICS MIDTERM!!! WOOT!

and...

I WAS OFFICIALLY OFFERED A RAISE TODAY!!!! WOOT X 2!!!

Okay, so I really don't understand where my boss thinks that it's okay to say these things. I usually don't start work until twelve but, I'm there every day between eight and ten, depending on whether I have to go to school or not. I get there early because I sometimes can pick up extra hours if Bridgette needs to leave an I can get a good amount of school work done without there being the temptation of just going to bed at home.
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So I got into a little bit of trouble over work today. Nothing much. Just one of those "We're still getting paid and I know you don't like Jill, but you need to do things." It just made me feel extremely bad because I have slacked off at work. In my mind, I'm kind of like "What's the point?" It's not that I don't care about my job, and it's not that I don't enjoy it. It's just that I feel like what I do doens't matter in the grand scheme of things so, again, what is the point. That's probably not an attitude that is helping me however, and, besides that, I know better.

I need to seperate my school work from my work. When I'm at the shop, I'm reading my school books the whole time, trying to get that done or at least get somewhat of a handle on it. So, I'm going to have to not deal with school until everything at work is done, instead of taking random breaks in between studying to do my job. This is unfortunatley going to translate into me doing more homework during those few hours when I'm home at night, but it's not fair to the people I work with when I don't do my job.

Grrr... I'll be posting my wonderful list of things I need to do this week school wise, later. Then, I'll probably be off line for a while. If someone really needs to get a hold of me, e-mail me here or on my yahoo account. I'll still check my mail daily but I'm thinkin my phone is going to be turned off.

Hope everyones having a good week and that everyone enjoyed their Halloween! I'll post pictures about that when I get the chance.

I really did not need this today. Why does the Universe believe that Jill saying "if you see someone of that description, don't think, just run" would be a good thing right now? I'm literally shaking. Half the time, I'm here by myself and with the time changing soon, I'm not going to get off work until it's dark.

England is looking better and better every fucking day.

So I picked up more hours at work (NO YELLING) and while I'll be working a twelve to fourteen hour shift on Friday and about a seven hour one today (which isn't bad at all) I'm excited. The shop is so slow right now and therefore, I know I'll be able to get done a lot of things on my list because there won't be too many distractions. Uber excitement. I might actually get to have a Sunday and Monday where I don't need to do anything because I'll be done with all my work!! *Does happy dance* So, yes. While I probably shouldn't have taken on more hours, I'm still happy because I'll be able to get a lot done, and I'm being paid to do it. Today is a good day. Busy, but good.

By the way, my perfume smells amazing on me and my new shirt fits perfectly. Yay for new clothes and freakin' adorable heals!

I thought that I might struggle today since I only had five hours of sleep and had to go to school and pull almost a double at work. But today was actually pretty good.

Class let out early because everyone was productive and apparently my thesis was well done. Then, at work, Bridgette and I teamed up on corsage,making for the Thurston Homecoming. Now, this is usually a task that drains you (I have no idea why) but today, it was manageable due to the fact that Bridgette and I starting plotting a Seniors trash novel. Yes, the cover will have an old version of Fabio... in a wheelchair and toothless. It will be legendary. :)

Then, Lisa showed up at work to drop off my Maid of Honor dress. I went to the bathroom to try it on to show everyone and Bridgette said that I was going to show up the Bride at this wedding if I wasn't careful. :) Very happy about that.

To top it off, I got a B on my third Comparative Politics test so my grade average is now a C! Yay!

It just felt good to laugh all day while still being productive. Days like that at work are hard to come by latley.

I’m trying to put things into perspective tonight but let’s just put it bluntly. This week has been one of the shittiest weeks I’ve had in a long time for no apparent reason. It’s just one of those weeks that goes wrong, and it’s no ones fault. Call it mercury in retrograde, call it bad karma, or just coincidence. I don’t know. All I know is that the amount of fail that has occurred this week is almost laughable at this point.

Granted, most of it isn’t something all that upsetting. It’s the accumulation of shit that makes me want to just cry at the end of the day. I’m really surprised I haven’t cried, actually. I think that I’ve taken this week pretty well. I’ve laughed at most of it because I can’t believe that one week can consist of so much fail.

Let’s look back, shall we?
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I have come to the conclusion that this just is not my week. I guess, after I left work last night, someone came in and tried to get me fired (thankfully Jill believes my side of the story over his) and my hours have been cut (again). I have mass amounts of homework, but haven't been able to buy the books to do the homework as of yet (not until tomorrow) and mom is now pretending that I'm going to be a good little girl and make up for the six months I'm in England by bumping my credits up to twenty.

What I want to do right now is go home and relax. But, I'm pissed about going home because that means that I came all the way down to work to work for two fucking hours. My bus ride down here is almost that long.

I don't know what to do. I should probably quit and find another job but at the same time, no one is hiring that is willing to let me work full time and work around my schooling. Although, I guess I'm not really working full time anymore.

So today was the first official day back to school. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be (after yesterday, today had to be better) but it did raise some... not concerns or worries necessarily but just some realities that I'm disappointed in having to accept.

So I only take one class on campus and then my other ones on line. I figured this would be a good compromise between my mom and I. I would still be going to school, but I'm not technically attending it. Also, with me having odd work schedules, I am able to balance my life better. Or so I thought.

I think it's going to be a bit of trial and error to be honest. I had to sign up for another on line class today because mom was pushing it. I'm so sick of arguing with her that I just decided to avoid it all together and get an economics class out of the way. I need to take it anyway so I might as well do it now. Also, it has a chapter on foreign economics, like England, and that could be helpful.

However, as I'm looking at the sylabus for the online courses, I can't help but feel a twinge of panic. Since they're online, there is a lot more expected out of them, plus, they are five hundred level classes (it was all that was offered). Now, I know that I can do them, I'm not saying that they're going to be over my head. I'm just worried about how time consuming it will be. Yes, I won't have to go to campus, but my spare time will have to be spent doing these classes.

My original plan was to do them at work. I arrive at the shop at eight, but don't actually start work until twelve. So, I thought I would be able to get my homework done then. But, I attempted that for a few hours this morning and it didn't work too well. I get distracted easily here because usually, I end up answering phones in the morning. My solution was going to be to stay at home and then take the bus down here but that would only give me an hour in the morning to work and that's really not enough.

So, the reality that I'm going to have to face is that most likely, my evenings will be spent doing homework. Meaning, from seven to ten, I'll be studying. It's not a horrible situation I suppose, I mean, I did it in High School, but... I don't know. It just seems so sad that my schedule is get up, go to school, go to work, come home and run (that is a whole other post. Turns out I might have some medical problems) and then do homework before going to bed. Five days a week, that's what I'll have to do. It's not horrible, I know this. I know it could be worse. It just makes me a little sad I guess. I kind of liked having the evenings to myself or to spend with my friends. Now, I don't know if I'll be able to see my friends during the week to play video games or just to talk. If I do, I might have to ignore them and do my homework, or stay up really late to finish it when they go home.

I'm hoping that after a few weeks, I'll be able to get into a routine and it won't be so bad. I'm going to try and figure something out.

Hope everyone else is doing good today and I hope both Megan and Tahni are surviving their classes as well. Love to all.

Dana

Today was supposed to be my day off. It was also supposed to be the last day I had not to deal with school.

That failed however.

I got up today at about ten thirty and put on my new found obsession, Desperate Housewives. It felt good to sit on my sofa, a blanket on my lap, a good cup of coffee in my hands, and my cat Marble (who surprisingly was purring) sitting on my lap. Then Bridgette called. I knew I shouldn't have picked up the phone, but I did.

Basically, I got called into work. Why? Because Jill felt that she wouldn't get anything that she needed to get done in our advertising, done, if she came into work. So therefore, on my fucking day off, I had to come in to work.

So, I got here and got even more pissed because by the looks of it, the day is promising to be slow. So really, I'm here, not even working. Just trying to pass time until I can go home. Well, I decide that I'm going to get on my computer and maybe start my homework for my online class and get a headstart on it. Turns out though, I for some reason, can't access my account. So, I could be misssing something important, but I don't know because U of O won't let me sign into my account. Then, when I called them, they told me that I would need to come down to campus to fix it. That's great and everything, only problem is, I can't get to campus until tomorrow. So, already I'm missing class through my online course. Yay!

So, that was another irritation.

Then, I had a huge scare. Bridgette left work to go pick up her kids from school at two thirty. At three ten, her daughter Stashia called, wondering where Bridgette was. She had tried calling her and her dad and couldn't get a hold of either. I then tried her, and couldn't get a hold of her either. So, both Stashia and I were freaking out but I was trying to stay calm. Stashia is only twelve and she was stranded at the school, thinking her worst. So, it was my job to keep her calm while trying to think what the hell I was going to do. Bridgette finally showed up a half hour later (I still don't know why she was so late and not picking up her phone) and I breathed a sigh of relief. All I kept thinking was that she got into a car accident or some sort. It scared me so much. Bridgette is that person in my life that I am just connected with. I can't imagine her not being here and that was exactly what I was worried about when she wasn't answering her phone.

Then! To top it all off, I have a headache. *sigh* My last day of summer vacation so did not live up to what it should have been. I want to just cry. I already have a little. I jut want to go home, turn on the TV and not think until I have to start school tomorrow.

I just shouldn't have answered my phone this morning. I was so looking forward to just spending some time with myself today and then I got called into a place that I'm beginning to hate and had to deal with school which is depressing enough. I guess I've learned my leason and thankfully I only have an hour until I get off work.

So, in the course of the next year, I'm going to need two root canals, three fillings, and my wisdom teeth pulled. Where we're going to get the money to do this when we don't even have my college tuition paid off, I don't know.

My first root canal is on monday and then I will go in a few days later so they can put strengthening stuff on it, and then a week after that so they can cap it. Then, if we have the money, we're going to do the second root canal.

I really hate that I'm going to have to have this done but on the other hand, I'm in so much pain right now that it should be a relief. I should have taken the appointment avalaible to do it tomorrow but I couldnt' in good conciounse leave work like that when we have two huge weddings this weekend. But, when I got home tonight (yes, I went to work after my dentist appointment today) I was in so much pain that I ended up curling up on my bed. Nothing I was taking was working. Mom finally had to call my dentist and you know what he said? "Oh, yeah. I mean to write her a perscription for the pain and to give her some antibiotics since it's severly infected but I forgot." So know, I'm running a fever and my mom has had to rush out to go get vicodine (sp?) and all I'm hoping for right now is that everything will be okay for tomorrow.

Furthermore, I feel like a fool for two e-mails that I have written in the past two days. Yeah... time for me to take a step back I believe.