forsomeone

Despite my better judgement (alright, I'm terrified to say the least) I am going to put out this plea. I have a story, one that I posted about when I had finished writing it. I just finished my first run through edit of it (or at least I will by tomorrow night if everything goes according to plan). I then want to give it a brief skim just to make sure everything looks alright. Then... well, then I need some opinions. I need some people that are trustworthy enough to read it and not steal it and I'm afraid that I'm limited in knowing those kinds of people. So my question is, do any of you know someone that would be willing to read and wade through the very rough drafts of a 149 page story and give me feedback? Anyone that knows what they are talking about when it comes to writing and can genuinaly tell me what they think constructively? I need opinions and I need them badly.

It is 5:42 in the morning on September 4th, 2009. I decided a few days ago that I must finish this story before I turn 21, and this morning, with the help of lots of coffee and a weird determination that came from I don't even know where, I finished.

It's kind of surreal to be honest. I started the concept of this story when I was in the 5th grade. To see it actually completed is amazing. I don't think I actually believe it yet. I kind of keep thinking that it's not over. Maybe I'm just exausted after having pulled an all nighter with a pot of coffee by my side, but it does not feel real.

I still have mass editing to do. I know this. But the initial concept is done. I have finished it before I turned 21 and I did it was three days to spare.

I'm feeling pretty good right now. I think it's time for me to lounge back in my bed and relax and wait for my mom to get up so I can tell her how awesome I truly am. :)

First off.... I'M GOING TO BE 21 ON MONDAY!!!

Secondly.... I'M GOING TO GO SEE DAVID COOK ON SATURDAY!!!

As for what I've been up to latley? I started a story about a month ago. It's one that I've been wanting to write since I was a little kid, but never really did. Well, last month, I got it into my head that this was the time to do it, and that I would finish it before school started. Then, about a week ago, I decided that I needed to finish it before I turned 21 so I could say I got my first novel written while I was still twenty. Three days ago I realized that I turn 21 very very very soon. LOL. So, it has been a mad dash lately because while I, at the time, had seven days, I also had a wedding to attend, work, and a concert before this. I really only had five days to be able to finish this story. I have knocked so much of it out of the way though, that I think that if I fix a strong pot of coffee tonight, it'll be done with. :) You have no idea how proud of myself I am for this. Now to just hope it's good.

Other than that, there isn't too much to share. I quit my job, got rehired. I may not go to school in the fall due to money issues and therefore be picking up a second job myself and I am avoiding a certain boy like the plague at times simply becuase I don't know what to do around him.

I hope everyone else is well.
Lots of love,
Dana

So, I've become obsessed with my writing again. No, I'm not complaining, I'm just letting everyone know that half the time now, my head is in a different world.

When I was in the 5th grade (it might have even been earlier to tell you the truth. The details are slightly fuzzy. I just know it happened in Elementary School) I started a story. I used to tell stories to my friends all the time out on the playground and so for me to write one out long hand didn't seem like a stretch to me. I remember I kept it in a little blue notebook and during lunch hours (and class time when the teacher wasn't looking) we tended to pass this notebook around. I had about four or five people reading this story as I was writing it. If you look back on the original text (yes, I still have the little blue notebook) you can see little scribbles from my friends in the margin.

Anyway, I tried picking this story back up about two years ago but quickly did nothing with it. Not only was I trying to write it at a time when my parents were in the midst of their divorce, but I also was still trying to write it in the confines of a fifth graders mind. (Janine, this is that imaginary friends story that I told you about a while ago).

About a week ago, I decided to pick it back up. I've been dissatisfied with my writing latley and no matte what I tried, I couldn't seem to get back on track. There was something about this story though that kind of called to me. It might be because I at least have a good amount of direction already figured out in this story, or it might be because these characters are some of my favorites I've ever created. Either way, I picked it up and already, I've written a good portion of it. It's changed, as it inevitably will, but I'm having so much fun writing it and immersing myself back into this world.

I have no idea what to call it however. I haven't since I was a kid. So I might be asking some help on that front. But either way, this is a heads up to you guys that yes, I am having a tendency to drift off into lala land lately.

This night has been made of awesome. I thought it would be made of fail but it sooo wasn't. Let me start at the beginning.
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I hate when I have an amazing idea/plot for a story and can't seem to convey it in the right words. I have a new story in mind that I've been working on for about two weeks and everything seems to be flowing through my fingers and onto my computer quite easily today, but now I just feel like I'm not getting down to it all. I'm skimming the surface of my idea's and I feel like it isn't developing the way it should be. Now, most likley I'm being hard on myself, I'm aware of that, but this story is good and it deserves almost more than I can give. Needless to say, this is making me frusterated.

I thought I should maybe take a step back from it for the night, but I just have so much energy and I just want to keep writing, but what's the point if I'm not writing what needs to be said. I just don't know how I'm supposed to get it all down though. I keep thinking that I need to storyblock it to get a clear direction but every time I do, I draw a blank. This story isn't working this way. It just wants to go with the flow. But, I feel like if I let it go with the flow, I'm not giving it direction and therefore I'm not getting down to what needs to be said.

*sigh*

I need to figure this out. It's bugging the hell out of me. Any suggestions for how to make me get down to the bottom of what I need to say?

For Tahni.... :P

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I hate plot bunnies. They are just multiplying like no end right now. It started out with one in my head and then another one came along and they got it on to the theme of some sort of indie rock song and then suddenly I have five more plot bunnies hopping around and around. Knowing them, they'll bump uglies also and then where will I be? With a whole fucking mess of ideas for storeis in my head, that's where.

*sigh*

So I'm a little frusterated.

Seriously. I have a ton of stories in my head, but since there is so many, they're getting mushed togehter and beating each other up for the winning position on who gets to become front runner in writing. I hate it when they do that.

So I was thinking about some things during work today and was trying to figure out what has really kept me going these past couple of months. What were the things that always could make me feel better without fail while I was going through all these changes and all these fights. It came down to a few things. The Beatles, Writing, and Queer As Folk.

Sooo... years from now, when my children ask me how I handled the divorce, what the heck am I supposed to tell them? I got through it by listening to songs that were written while on acid, by writing about disfunctional relationships and men who used the word fuck every chance they got, and by watching gay men on tv go at each other. That was my therapy.

Note to future self. Never share this with you children.

I'm almost done with my first term of college and do you know what that means? That means I get a whole month off where I can paint and write!!! Yay! You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to this. I want to write soooo bad. Seriously, I sometimes can't even sleep at night because I have so many new ideas swimming through my head. I feel like the words are just bubbling up from inside me and that if I don't get them down I'm going to explode. :) Wow, that was poetic in a disgusting sort of way. LOL.

Life is... well, life is going good just so long as I ignore it. It's my pain managment I think. But that's fine with me. I'd rather me happy and ignorant that said and embracing of the pain. I'll deal with the pain when the time arises. Right now though I want to write until I drop. I just have until Tuesday and then I am done with school so I think that Tuesday on I'll be spending time with my little lap top in my arms. Oh, Morrison. How I love you so. :)

Hope things are going well for everyone. I have a few things I should probably post on here to give people updates but I have a paper due tomorrow so I've got to get that done. Last paper until January!!! Woot!

Why do I always feel nervous when I begin to write a new story?

I'm thinking I want to write a story about a doctor. Yeah yeah. I know. I really shouldn't be adding another story to my long list of unfinished ones. I should at least finish two before I add another to my plate but honestly, I've been wanting to write one for a good two years now and at one point I actually started it but I ended up deleting it because it wasn't that good.

*sigh* Back to the grind of school. Oh! But good new. I realzied that my term paper isn't really a term paper in the sense I was thinking of. It's actually only supposed to be about five pages so that cuts my work down by ten pages! WOOT

MIDTERMS ARE OFFICIALLY OVER!!!!!!! WOOT!

Oddly enough, my music midterm, the one that I was freaking out about the most, is the one that I feel as if I aced. Then, my theater midterm, the one that I felt as if I knew pretty well without having to do much studying, I’m pretty positive I failed. LOL. I’m not going to let it get to me though because GPA’s are bogus in college anyway unless you are going to grad school after, which is something I so intend not to do. Either way, I hoped the bus home after my last midterm, opting to skip out on my last class of the day and am now looking forward to sitting on the sofa tonight with Ghost Hunters playing in the background for the rest of the night. How I love that show. 

Okay, a few things to catch everyone up on.

First off, my friend Caitlyn is coming home Friday! Yay! I love this girl to death and she was my lifeline over the summer. She moved about two hours away though and I haven’t seen her since early September. I miss her like none other and now she’s coming home. So Saturday, after work, I’m going to head out to her house and spend the night there. You have no idea how excited I am.

She also called me last night to tell me something that I’m not sure how I feel about. Her parents got divorced about three years ago and hence the reason why this summer, when my parents announced they were getting a divorce, I went to her house. She was the one that I felt understood what I was going through and even though I’ve known her since I was five, I felt closer to her this summer than I ever had before. Anyway, when she called me last night, it was to tell me that her mother is getting married. I went through the obligatory “Congratulations,” and “Wow that’s so exciting” but when I got to thinking about it, I began to get a little uneasy. Her mom and this new guy have only been dating for a few months. Granted, they’ve known each other for years, but it still doesn’t make it any less weird. I’m happy for Francine (her mom) but it got me thinking about my own mom. Is this how quickly my mom is going to move on? Three years and I’m going to have a stepdad? I’m not sure if I can deal with that. Caitlyn is taking it all really well but that might be because her dad was a complete jackass during and after the divorce. I know her parents divorce and my parents are very different but I still can’t help but think that my mom will be remarried in a few years and I think that scares me. The one thing that scares me even more is the fact that I’m not exactly sure if it really does scare me or not.


Alright, now changing subjects…. Last night while I was trying to study for midterms, I got bored and decided to google myself. :) Yes, I was that bored. Anyway, it turns out that there is already a writer out there with my name!!!! As if that wasn’t bad enough, but she writes crappy love stories like the following:

Kyra Evans isn't popular, or a girl who you stare at when you are walking down the hall. So why can't Jason-basketball star and the hottest guy in school-get her out of his head?Under normal circumstances, Jason and Kyra would live in their separate worlds up until graduation. But fate intervenes and the unlikely duo is paired up for a class project. Preconceived notions abound on both sides???but Kyra soon realizes that Jason is not the dumb jock that she had assumed him to be. And Jason finds himself telling Kyra things he can't even tell his best friend. As the two become friends and eventually start to fall in love, no one in school can believe it-especially not Jason's ex, who is determined to break them up. Being together means navigating the obstacles that are coming their way-but staying apart may be impossible.

Someone is tarnishing my good name with that kind of teenage angst writing? I think I need to track them down. Or change my name.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a very happy Halloween!!!!
Peace!

I've been going insane since I haven't gotten to write in Junk, SBM or any of my other stories for close to six weeks now what with me being so busy with the move and school. But yesterday, as I was sitting in the library, drinking my coffee and deciding whether or not I should forgo studying and just instead finally write, I realized something. I went and started flipping through my notebook and found that I actually have been writing. A lot. LOL. My notebooks has scribbles stories in the margins and some pages are just filled with what I have lovingly titled "Drabbles of a College Student." LOL. I can't exactly remember when, but at some point in time I created a girl who is going to college and living with her older boyfriend (I don't know how old yet). I've written five or six short little things about just their lives, realizing that it is very reminicent to my own. So, in short, yes, I have been writing so I shouldn't be too rusty when I finally get the chance to write in Junk and SBM again. Give me until next week and things should calm down enough for me to continue with the stories.

Okay, so tell me what you think. I had to turn this in to my English class today and I know I'll get an A on it but only because my English teacher knows nothing and will give you an A simply if you do the work. So I'm curious as to what everyone thinks of this poem and what they might think its about.

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